Well As most of you already know, I went home for about a week and a half. While I was there, I met my older [sister].
I found out about her about a month ago. My dad got his girlfriend pregnant when he was 18, and basically ended up not being in their lives even before my sister was born. Its frustrating and I have about 20 million questions I could ask my dad, but unfortunately I wont get the chance on this earth.
So here is the skinny.... her name is Christina, she is 7 years older than me, she has a son which means I have a nephew!
I pulled into her driveway and I started shaking like a leaf. The first couple minutes were a little strange... but I mean after all, I was meeting my older sister that I'd never seen before! We went to my (our) grandparents, looked through the pics and shared some stories. It really ended up to be a great experience and I didnt want the day to end.
When I first found out that i she was supposed to be my sister, I was pretty apprehensive. A million things were running through my head. What kind of person is she? Would we like each other, get along well? What if we just didnt "click"? What if I'm not the person she expects me to be? What if, in some way I let her down?
Some of these, plus many more I still worry about. I just want to be a good sister and tell her as much as I can about our Dad. Im new to this whole sibling thing and just dont want to disappoint anyone.
Now, on to today.
Two years ago tonight, my father died. I had just got home from celebrating my birthday (which is Oct 21st), and got a call that something had happened and I needed to get to the hospital immediately. I got in my truck and the whole way there talked myself out of being worried, saying to myself that its not too serious, that maybe he had just had a fourwheeler wreck. In the back of my mind I knew it was bad but I just didnt want to believe it. When I got to the ER, I saw everyones cars and a few people were standing outside smoking. I asked one of them (cant remember who) what was going on. He wouldnt tell me, he just told me I needed to get inside. I knew then.
That night, my daddy had a heart attack. It was the worst night of my life. My worst fear had come true and I just couldnt deal with it. Everyday I still see his face when I close my eyes. I can still hear him say "I love you Duck". I miss him so incredibly much that there is no way for anyone to understand unless they have suffered such a loss. I know everything happens for a reason but sometimes that is hard to accept. I just take things day by day, one step at a time. Now I have someone to share him with. His daughter. Although her and I have been kept apart for far too long. If ever there was a time I needed a sister, its now.
I love you daddy, and I love my sister! She has been such a blessing and I hope that I can live up to being a good sister to her.
Happy 21st Birthday to me in a lil over 2 days!
--Meg
